qPhotographs made by Pieter
“The tree used to be big and steadfast. Now it is sick and mouldered. It has been smashed to bits. That’s what a psychosis and schizophrenia does to you.”
Photograph of Pieter sitting on a fence:
“Tranquillity and freedom, that is what I think of when I sit on a fence in a natural environment and enjoy the here-and-now.”
Photograph by Pieter: the book titled Catastrophia in the window sill of his room in the psychiatric hospital
"The book is called: “Catastrophobia. The truth behind changes of the earth in the Era of Light”. Pieter: “The obstacle preventing me from realizing my goals is the secret government. Through manipulation and creation of fear they want to spread their influence. But fear is only in the mind and without it they don’t have power over you”
Photo-essay of Pieter
A secret government or a normal life?
It is my intention to find more rest and safety in the future. This has been symbolized by the photograph on which I am seated on a fench outside and enjoying the here-and-now. My biggest obstacle is the secret government that wants to expand their power by manipulation and fear. I get support from the nurses, the psychiatrist and my casemanager. Among the skills or qualities that I have to develop are self confidence and more information on the secret government. I have to read a lot more about them. When I have more self confidence then I will be able to make a walk in the woods on my own, something that I don’t dare right now. With more self confidence it will be easier for me to face confrontation with other people. At the moment this is hard for me because I don’t who is serving the secret government and who isn’t. By reading more about the secret government its is possible to demask their plan and then they will lose their power. The challenge for me is to develop more self confidence and damask the secret government ór realize that this is part of my illness and that there is no such thing as a secret government. I don’t know yet what to do. My belief in the secret government is very strong and I don’t know whether I can overcome this belief. I attend sessions at a psychologist and receive cognitive behavioural therapy to put my thoughts to a reality testing. Moreover I keep looking for the right medicine. If my believes in the secret government prove to remain too strong then what I will do is trying to reduce my fear for it. This I do by reading a lot about them and ont the other hand by convincing myself that you don’t have to feel fear for the secret government because fear is something in the mind and without fear they have no power over you.
Data from observations and interviews
Observations from nurse facilitators first round of 8 sesions.
During sessions Pieter is very quiet and motivated. It does not become clear what he thinks of others. His response focuses on his own perspective. It does not become clear what he thinks of someone else’s opinions. He does not talk very much. He waits and see.
When he is invited to tell about his photographs he presents a clearly delimited polished story about being ill, but he does not say anything about his extensive experiences with hospitalizations and his contacts with care givers. One of the nurse facilitators feels that he may be telling what care givers like to hear. It is known that he has a complex system of delusionary thoughts.
In the photo group he does not relate to the others, except for one sessions when others talked about graveyards.
His photographs are taken in the woods. He has taken them without premeditation, on an impulse. Other photographs (those taken in the hospital) were made with a premeditated plan. During sessions he emphasizes that others have to go to a certain length to learn who he is.
Information from the interview with nurse facilitators
M. and A. tell that they have noticed that Pieter has become more open in the course of the last weeks. He clearly felt more at ease and started to tell more about himself. He had a lot of motivation and made arrangements to be present. Sometimes he inquired with A. to get reaffirmation that a scheduled session was still on.
Pieter has given his photographs a great deal of thought and made conscious choices between what he did wanted to present and what he did not wanted to share with others.
Information from the interview with Pieter
Pieter tells that he has become more open to other people. The photograph with the dense shrubs (making an unimprenetable impression) , so he tells, made him realize that there is a parallel with his own inaccessibility. Having realized that it became easier for him to overcome his reticence towards nurses on the ward. He says that he wants other people to get to know him and see through the veil of his feigned indifference. But they will have to make some effort.
“I’d like to show who I am just like that. In one photograph with a short description. Also what illness does to me. And, I don’t know how to put it, how to achieve relief. My three photographs show that very short and to the point.”
He goes on with telling that he is homosexual and infected with HIV. His relatives don’t know, although his mother may have some inkling. He is not ashamed of it , but he does not want other participants in the photo group and also his mother to learn about it.
He made the photographs on a walk through the woods and did not think about it for long. Their meaning appeared to him afterwards.
When asked for what his participation had meant to him, he responds:
“ Making the photograph I became much more aware of things about myself. I do a lot more talking now with nurses on the ward. I have been hospitalized on two earlier occasions, but then I did not say very much. These photographs did make me realize….it crystallized what I had already been knowing somehow but that did not come out. The photographs made me talk about it and that helped too.”
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